Always Leaving

So I just sit here, watching my body slip into oblivion while my mind is roaming elsewhere in some unknown confines of time and space. And I make up these stories in my head of how my life should look, living through my fictional characters so my life will be perfect, but it never works out that way. Life gets in the way and it happens to the best of us. It's really hard to grasp onto reality when you live through someone else's life, especially when that someone is a fictional character. The lines get blurred and torn apart. Questions are asked but the answer can never be given, or when it is given I can never comprehend. And when comprehension is obtained, I forget what the question was. I have come to know a comfortable place in my life and I like it just fine here, yet I am never satisfied. I keep seeking something more but I am never motivated to get out of my seat to take hold of it. I have yet to jump off the edge and take that risk. So please don't go. Caution is needed and so I wait. I make plans and break them. I analyze every detail and once I think I have it all figured out I couldn't be further from the truth. And yet, I do it every time. Every single time something like this happens, I make the same mistakes over and over and over and over and over again. And no matter how hard I try to see, I cannot help but prove true the cliche of hindsight being better than foresight. While I'm caught up in not jumping to conclusions, I let that potential die, and then when my mind is finally made up, it's gone. It always leaves. They say that they won't but they do. And in my current state of unwanted complacency, it hurts when they leave. Because in my life, they always leave.

You're Beautiful

You know those days where nothing goes right? Those days where your outfit that you planned the night before just isn’t working?  Those days where your makeup does not cover up those little imperfections that now see so obvious?  Those lovely days where your hair plays a joke on you and you start your period on top of everything?  Yea, I’ve had plenty of those days in my life.  As girls we face many of those low self-esteem days when we feel awful and don’t want to leave the house.  We dwell on the little things that now seem so amplified.  In all honesty, those days suck, and they get me down.  I know that there are so many girls out there that struggle with self-esteem and these days don’t help us at all.  It’s difficult, but you have to keep telling yourself that you are wonderfully made.  It took me a while to get to that point.

I realized that I am beautiful.  Yes, I have made this realization at the age of 19.  It came a little late but it came just the same.  It took me a while to get here, but now that I have arrived, I am not going anywhere.  You see, I have always lacked confidence and I was always the shy kid in school.  Moving away from my small town in Massachusetts to attend college in Georgia I was forced out of my shell.  I was all of a sudden surrounded by a ton of Christian girls who loved God so much.  They are all so beautiful and they have this confidence that I strived to achieve.  They kept telling me how beautiful I was, on the inside and out, but I never believed it.  Until one day, it hit me.  I am beautiful because the maker of the Earth created me.  Having that encouraging environment help me in ways that those girls will never know.  There was one girl in particular on my hall.  She was beautiful and after listening to her testimony I realized why.  She had been through so many things in her life, but she still loved God with the amazing passion that I had never seen before.  What is on the inside really is what matters.    

God created you in His image.  He did not make junk.  He loves you.  You are so lovely because you are a child of God.  He created you in His perfect design and He has a beautiful plan for your life.

Valentines Day

It's coming. Valentines Day. Another Hallmark Holiday.  Singles Awareness Day. Valentines Day is just something that I will never understand.  Why is it that we feel the need to express our love on one specific day?  If our significant other forgets Valentines Day it's like the end of the world. That's silly. Love should be expressed every single day.  Why must we limit ourselves?  Flowers should be bought randomly throughout the entire year.  Chocolates should be given often.  I just don't get it.